Psalm 44:5-7a NLT
'Only by your power can we push back our enemies; only in your name can we trample our foes. I do not trust in my bow; I do not count on my sword to save me. You are the one who gives us victory over our enemies…'
My parents were always keen to build my self-confidence. I was encouraged to believe I could achieve what I wanted to. However, my father was told by my secondary school that I wouldn’t achieve the exam results to make A level study worthwhile. Somehow, I scraped sufficient GCE passes to stay on, and then proceeded to flourish, perhaps digging deep and finding the undiscovered learner within me.
This taught me my destiny lay within my own hands, a lesson deeply etched into my consciousness through experience. However, my confidence, when placed entirely in myself, easily blinds me to God’s provision. Faced with a problem, I set about drawing on my experience and known strengths to combat and overcome it. Typically, I run out of ideas and I feel overwhelmed. This undermines my self-confidence and dampens my mood. I’m pushed to question God’s ability to care for me and to question the promises I read in scripture. At its worst, this leads me to project my loss of self-confidence onto God. The danger is that I stop trusting God, blaming God for my unsettled situation.
My years pursuing the practice of a contemplative have taught me above all else that trusting God takes time. It is something that has to be learned and does not come easily. Trust in God requires me to place my confidence in God ahead of my confidence in myself. It’s like finding a bothy when lost on a mountain. It provides shelter, yet without any mod cons. My life is secure, though I experience discomfort.
Have you experienced those spaces in which your own confidence in your ability has proven unequal to the storm? Sit in God’s bothy knowing you can have confidence in God.
QUESTION: To what degree is your confidence in God?
PRAYER: Help me to trust my life entirely into your strong hands.

Released on 21 Apr 2020